so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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