there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
