i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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