He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
