I just saw a hot homeless man
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
