Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
someone threw a dead crab at me
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
