Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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