did you get engaged???
Nicole vs. Life
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
