She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My cat gives me a boner
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
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He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
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I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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