The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I said "one day" and that day is not today
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