Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
