if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
