What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Found the puke drawer
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
