so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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