definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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