This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
