So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
