apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
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