shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
