he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
he's single and there are thong briefs.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
