i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
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Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
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