Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
