No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
We got so high we made milksteak
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
