just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize