quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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