wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
even my farts smell like vagina
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
