he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
