hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
