i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
