it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Randomize
