i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
