pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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