my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
