your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
