genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Come on in and take your pants off
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