I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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