Welp...herpes.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
