glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
