I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
