JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
