if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Randomize
