RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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