He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
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Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
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Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
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