He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
