yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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