to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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