Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
