Need sex. Gaining weight.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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