his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm too high and old for this...
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
