he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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