I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
