i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
that's an acceptable place to lick
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
