toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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