suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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