I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I'm always down for nudity.
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