Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
he fucked my hip out of place.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Is Oprah even human
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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