The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
