If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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