I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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