Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
