Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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