Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize