Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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