even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
