Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
