I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
