oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
