I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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